A few weeks ago I read a post on Facebook about a mom who did everything right and was the “perfect” mom. She talked about how she breastfed until her children were well over the age of one, how she made all of her babies food and they ate all organic and didn’t have any sweets, how she used cloth diapers. She spoke about how her children never watched TV and how she spent 100% of her time doing things for her children. But then she said something that just made me feel so great about the way I parent. She said that her children are now older (I believe almost ten) and how they still sleep in their bed, how they have learning problems and horrible food allergies. She talked about how her children had horrible social anxiety and didn’t know how to be independent children. The moral of her story was it doesn’t matter whether you are a helicopter mom or a mom who is on the verge of loosing it, what happens happens.
I thought about this awhile and was so glad that I came across this article. When I was pregnant with Little Fella, I wanted to be the “perfect” mom. I wanted to breastfeed till he was over a year old, I wanted to make all his food, I wanted to use cloth diapers and not allow him to watch TV. But as soon as he came into this world, I found out that parenting is hard work and everything I wanted went out the window!
I had to stop breastfeeding when Little Fella was four months old, I remember that I felt so guilty not being able to feed him anymore and I had to feed him formula. But I do remember that I got the BEST nights sleep in months and the next morning I had so much energy to actually want to do something with Little Fella.
I tried making him his own baby food, but I found that it was actually really expensive and you had to eat it fast because it would go bad, Little Fella didn’t like it frozen and thawed. I tried to give him a variety of food so I didn’t want to feed him a single food all week-long. Doing this, I have created a baby who isn’t picky and loves to have a variety of food! He also has a sweet tooth, but for fruits and yogurts.
Refusing TV is just such a hard option because we watch TV, he’s going to watch TV. And actually there are some very good children’s shows that teach him stuff. (They have a cooking show for toddlers) I have found that he hardly watches the TV, it is just on in the back ground and he will stop and watch it for a few minutes and then he is off on another adventure.
The moral of this post is that I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, but how we choose to parent is perfect! Even when you think you are failing your child, just look at them and see how happy they are to have you! Stop comparing yourself to other mom’s who in your eyes look like they have the secret to great parenting and they aren’t sharing. More than likely they are just as a mess then you are!
Since it is National Infertility Week, (I didn’t know this until Facebook told me), I thought I would share my long road to becoming a mom. Only a handful of people knew the whole story until now. It still brings a few tears to my eye, but I am so thankful that I had made that journey and am blessed for what it has brought to D and I. Not only Little Fella but all the life lessons we went through. It made D and I’s marriage so much stronger and our faith so much bigger. I know that there are couple’s out there that are going through so much more with infertility, but I do want to share my story and hope that it might help maybe just one person.
When D and I first got married, we knew we wanted to start trying to have a little family real quick. I think that it took us about three months of trying for us to find out we were expecting. It was the happiest time in our lives and we were so blessed that we were going to be parents, but unfortunately that happiness didn’t last long. Shortly after my first doctor appointment, I had a miscarriage. My doctor asked if I wanted to have the miscarriage naturally or have a DNC. I was so upset that I wasn’t really sure, so she told me to go home and rest and she would call in the morning. I was told that if I had it naturally that it might take a few days or even weeks, but for me it happened that night. It was the worst feeling in the world, thank goodness D was there by my side through the whole thing. A couple of months later, my doctor told me that everything looked well and that we could start trying again. She told us she didn’t think it would take to long to get pregnant again for us.
Well, ten months later, we were pregnant again. Once again that sense of joy came upon us, but before we could even make it to our first doctors appointment I once again suffered a miscarriage. Heartbroken once again D & I knew that we would not give up. My doctor wanted me to give it a few more months of trying before we started looking into fertility options.
After a few more months of nothing, I was set up with an amazing fertility doctor. She heard our story, and was very positive in getting us pregnant, since I had gotten pregnant before. I was set up with an appointment to go in for a procedure to make sure that my tubes were open and that everything on the inside was good. The radiologists looked at the results and told me that everything looked great. The day I was suppose to meet with my fertility doctor was the day that disaster hit Oklahoma and we spent our doctors visit in the basement of the hospital due to the tornado that had hit just a few miles away. I had told her that the radiologists said everything looked great and she was very pleased. Since we didn’t have power, she couldn’t look at the results herself. That was the hardest part of the visit, because what the radiologists missed the doctor found. She saw something, something so small she said she missed it the first time she looked at it and had to have someone else to look at it to make sure it wasn’t just her mind playing tricks with her.
So once again, I had to go in and have another procedure done, this time by her. Come to find out, I had a small cyst on my uterus that she believed was more than likely the cause of my miscarriages and it was so small it was hard to see but was next to one of my fallopian tubes. She wanted to remove it as soon as possible. She told me that I wouldn’t have any down time and that I could continue with IUI’s the next month after my surgery. This was such a hard time but it was such a relief finally getting answers on what was happening to me. I went in for my surgery, was told the surgery was a success, and everything looked great.
A few days later, I get a call from the doctor (you know it’s not good news when the doctor not the nurse calls you.) She said that she had seen something during my surgery and she had taken a sample of it and sent it to the lab. It came back as precancerous cells and that I had to go to my regular OB/GYN to get it looked at. Before I even had my doctors appointment with my OB/GYN, I knew that my dreams of being a mom was getting further and further out of my reach.
I went in to see me OB/GYN and she confirmed that I had some abnormal cells and that they needed to be removed immediately. She also told me that the surgery I was going to have to have was very tough on my body and that I would need at least a year if not longer to heal. Those words were so hard to hear. I cried for a week straight after that, I did not know what I was to do. All I wanted to do was be a mommy. After my surgery, D and I talked about the option of adoption. We planned a trip to get away from all the tragedy and stress and after the trip, we would start looking into adoption. The day before we were suppose to leave for our trip, I had a post op doctors appointment. My doctor came into the room with a smile on her face. She told me that what ever abnormal cells I had, when I went into the surgery room, they were gone. She told me she was stumped on where they went and that the surgery was not even necessary. She said all she did was take numerous samples of my cervix and uterus and sent them to the lab and everything came back normal. She wanted me to wait a few months just to make sure that everything was fine before she would let me go back to the fertility doctor.
Three months past, and the day that I had been waiting for had arrived. She told us that everything looked great and that I could start fertility treatments ASAP.
One week later, I found out I was pregnant on my own!!!
I had an amazing and normal pregnancy (although I did contract H1N1 and Strep Throat when I was eight weeks pregnant.)
Nine months to the day my doctor told me that I could start trying again, we welcomed our Little Fella, via c-section to the world.
Every day I am reminded that miracles do happen and that everything happens for a reason. When we first started trying to have a baby, D worked at an okay job making okay money. When I had my first miscarriage, and D missed two days of work to take care of me and morn with me, his boss acted like he was taking a vacation or playing hookey from work. That was the motivation he needed to find a better career. He started working for a wonderful company that really helped their employee’s. It paid 100% of my fertility treatments and it even had a fund where it would help pay for part of the adoption cost and help raise the rest of the funds. We were so blessed for D to be working for a company that treated their employees like that. Then one day D got offered his dream job. He loves going to work everyday and now has a career instead of just a job. I know that through all the heartache D and I endured, this was God’s plan. Although we couldn’t see it then, we see it now. He has helped in so many ways and we are eternally thankful for what we now have!
Somebody the other day popped off to me and said “it must be nice to stay at home all day, watch TV, and play with the kids!” Um, yeah that would be nice, although I DON’T do that, ever!
Before I had Little Fella I had a wonderful job, I made pretty good money, I got to dress up for my job, I got to have fancy lunches, I spoke to tons of people about important stuff, but when I found out I was pregnant, D and I both wanted me to stay at home and raise Little Fella the way we wanted him to be raised, plus it was saving us money because we didn’t have to hire a nanny or put him in daycare. Although I love staying at home with Little Fella watching him grow, it’s not all roses. Here is my day:
I wake up between five and six o’clock in the morning (when Little Fella wakes up) and change him and give him a bottle. I brew my coffee and while I wait for my coffee to brew, I unload the dishwasher) I play with Little Fella for a little bit while I try to get my coffee drank. While playing with him, I am also doing laundry, tidying up the living room and kitchen, making the beds, and other things around the house, while making sure his diaper is always dry and he is always happy. Right now we are trying to teach him independence so this is a great time to get all my morning chores done while he plays with his toys by himself. Once he goes down for his morning nap, I try to get a shower taken and get myself fixed up for the day. Once Little Fella wakes up from his nap, it is either time to go outside and play or have lunch. I spend much of my afternoon taking care of Little Fella, teaching him, reading to him, taking him for a walks, playing with him, changing him, and feeding him. He does take an afternoon nap, this time I do stop and take a little break so I can watch my soaps (I am a fanatic) and my cooking shows I have DVR’ed if I have time. By the time Little Fella wakes up D is getting home from work and it is time to make supper. D does watch him for me so I can get supper made, we eat and then I clean up the kitchen. We hang out as a family for a little while then it is time to give Little Fella a bath and put him to bed. I try to go to bed by nine thirty because I know I will wake up early the next morning and it starts all over.
That is an average day, but it does not exclude the days that I have to run errands, pay bills, deep clean, go to the grocery store. Every time I step out of the house, I make sure the diaper bag is packed, Little Fella is dry, and I have everything I need to run my errand.
I am the mother,
I am the cook,
I am the maid,
I am the taxi,
I am the financial advisor,
I am the personal shopper,
I am the nurse,
All for my family and no I don’t get a paycheck for any of that.
I try to keep my house clean and I try to have a nice meal on the table every night. I don’t require a thank you from my family and I don’t need a medal. But the next time you think Stay at home moms just sit and watch TV, think again. We love our job and work very hard at it and no we don’t just “Hang Out”. To all the Stay at home Mom’s, I applaud you!!!
My husband and I have always tried to be hard-working and responsible people. So when we had Little Fella, you better believe that we wanted to teach our values to him. So we started Little Fella off with his first chore at six months old and he loves it.
Every night before our dogs go to bed they get their treat. My oldest dog will let you know when it is 7:30 (crazy how dogs know time). Little Fella started taking notice of the dogs and I thought that this would be a good time for the dogs and him to really interact. So I pick up Little Fella, we walk to the pantry, grab the treat, go sit down on the floor, put the treat in his little hand and help him give the treat to the dogs. He thinks it is so much fun and laughs and this is him time he really gets to bond with the dogs. Of course D or I are always right there with him so the dogs don’t trample him. (Nothing gets in their way when it comes to their nightly treat!)
We have been doing this for about a week now and already I have had to hold the treat less and he is learning to stick it out there and they will come get it.
I know that we have already gotten so looks when we tell people that yes Little Fella already has a chore. But so far, he is loving his chore and the bonds he is making with his dogs!